The 9-Step Formula for Forgiveness

This simple formula works to resolve even the hardest, most grievous wrongs, the bitterest of resentments and the longest and most closely held grudges. (Tip: This works best if done in a neutral tone of voice without anger, judgement or righteousness. It helps if you take the time ahead of time to write down the facts of the situation so that you don’t get muddled up in the emotions. It is most effective if done in person, but don’t wait because it can be done over the phone, or even by letter.) Is this a good time to talk? If you are calling on the phone always ask if it is a good time to talk. If not, ask when would be a good time and make an appointment. If you are meeting in person, make sure that you will not be interrupted and that it is a good time. Prepare them. Before you start blurting stuff out, it helps to prepare the person for what you have to say. Just tell them whatever you are feeling right now. For example, “I feel awkward in bringing this up. I don’t know... Read More →

Now is the Time for Forgiveness

The cost of not forgiving someone is bigger than most of us realize. We go merrily around with our busy lives thinking that life is easier and simpler if we just forget about the past and focus on the present or our goals for the future. In some cases this may be true, but in most cases it is denial. Fortunately, the past has an uncanny way of rearing its ugly head and demanding to be dealt with. And the holiday season is when those heads start popping up all over the place, right across from you, over the turkey and mashed potatoes, but any time of the year is the perfect time to forgive the ones we love. One way or another, intentionally or not, we end up hurting the people we love the most. It is a fact of life. We just can’t seem to rub elbows year after year without causing a little friction, in spite of our best intentions. No family, no love relationship can endure without forgiveness. The happiest families and best relationships are the ones who admit their mistakes, apologize,... Read More →

Talane's Top 10 Tips for a Happier (and easier!) Holiday Season

Use the Joy Filter for decision-making. If someone invites you to something ask yourself, "Will this add joy to my life?" If not, decline. You don’t have to go to every single holiday party you are invited to. Stop sending holiday cards unless you love to do it. It is a pleasure to receive a personal card, but why bother sending a rubber-stamped, printed signature card? Just pick ten people who are special to you and send them a hand-written card. Do only what you find joyful and you are guaranteed a terrific holiday season. Forgive and make amends. If someone has done something that hurt you, now is the time to call and forgive them. If you have done anything hurtful or damaging to another, make amends even if it wasn’t intentional. Call or write the people you may have offended, apologize and ask them how you can make it up to them. If you wore your friend’s favorite sweater and then spilled catsup on it, it isn’t enough to say "I’m terribly sorry." Buy a new sweater... Read More →

Declutter With the Mindset of a Minimalist

This is a great checklist for both decluttering and time management. If you find that Marie Kondo’s technique isn’t working for you, try this. See how many of these 12 decluttering tips you can check off as systems you currently use, or add them to your routine to free up time and enhance productivity at home and in the office. 1) I’m a quick decision maker: I don’t dither and am able to quickly identify what to keep, give away and throw. 2) I have good questions and criteria to help me decide: Useful questions: Is this enhancing my life or taking up space? How many of these do I really need, could I manage just as well with less? What’s the worst thing that could happen if I let this go? Could I live with that? When is the last time I used/ wore this? Why is this? (If it’s been longer than a year it usually goes) Is this actually useful in my life, or could someone else have more use for it? With uncompleted projects / hobbies I ask:  How committed am I to finishing... Read More →

Goal-Setting vs. The Law of Attraction


Recently I gave a talk to a lovely group of coaches in Bristol about attracting what you want effortlessly. They were particularly keen to attract clients. There really are (at least) two ways we get what we want: Set a goal and go for it; and Attract it to you effortlessly. Most of us have been trained to use goal-setting as the way to get results. However, in my experience, the very best stuff in life has all been attracted. In fact, if I find myself working too hard to get something, I am now suspicious – have I set the wrong goal? (It used to be the reverse, if it came too easily I was distrustful – this was too easy – can't be right). I'll share an example from one of my clients. She hired me because she was working really hard in real-estate and making no headway and having no real success. This is mostly because real-estate had tanked in the US and a number of other places so not the ideal time to be in the business, but also because she wasn't happy doing it even when... Read More →

Talane’s Top 10 Goal Setting Tips to Achieve Effortless Success

One of the reasons people don't reach their goals is that they choose the wrong goals in the first place. Follow these tips and you'll be well on your way to accomplishing much more with a whole lot less stress. Delete all goals that are over a year old that you've made no real progress on in the last year. These are "dead" goals. Cross them off the list and pick something that actually excites or interests you. Life is too short. Only work on one major goal or project at a time. If you have too many big goals going at once (i.e. more than one!) you'll dilute your energy and may not accomplish any of them. A big goal may take six months to one year to complete or more. If your goal takes more than one year, break it down into one year chunks. The temptation is to have too many goals. Pick one and stick with it until it is done. Give your best hour of the day to your major goal or project. Do this BEFORE you open your e-mail or check your voicemail. This should be obvious as e-mail... Read More →

Be the Change You Want to See In the World

Picking up on the current theme of panic and Ebola and on topic with our recent life coaching call-in-hour about feeling guilty about creating your ideal life when there is so much unhappiness in the world--I was delighted to read Seth Godin’s blog We Have Ebola discussing the hysteria and panic that seems to be fuelled by the media machine, creating an epidemic panic amongst us. As Ghandi said, we must, "be the change we want to see in the world.” If you are worried about Ebola, donate some money to the cause. Not too long ago the hysteria was focused on the Avian bird flu and before that AIDS, there will always be something that can scare us--if we allow it. Being the change you want to see can be as simple as you make it. My hero of the day is the philanthropic Taiwanese vegetable seller, Chen Shu-chu, who is doing exactly that, walking the walk and making huge changes by doing what she can, however small. Not only is she being the change, but by her actions, she is inspiring... Read More →

The 7 Sources of Career Dissatisfaction

After years of coaching many disgruntled, stuck and frustrated executives, I've come up with a list of the most common reasons why we are so unhappy in our jobs or careers: 1. Unmet personal requirements. If you have a need to be free and independent you will most certainly resent your micromanaging boss. If you have a need for peace, you will struggle to focus in an open-plan office. You must identify and satisfy your personal needs and requirements if you want to be happy at work. 2. Bad Boss/Office Politics. If you don't respect or like your boss, you probably will dread going to work. Or, if you've ignored office politics you may find you are suddenly side-lined at work by the more politically savvy. 3. Untapped Abilities. Most people think it is great to have a load of abilities and natural talents. What they don't realize is that if you have a strong ability you have to use it or will wind up feeling unfulfilled. We use the Career Change Kit to identify hidden talents that... Read More →

Life Coach Tip: Courting the Muse

So many times we wait to start something until inspiration strikes. And when that inspiration wanes, we stop. We are waiting for the time to be right, for that elusive day when we’ll have more time and more money and can start the thing we really want to do in life. It doesn’t matter if this is a health and fitness plan, a novel, or any other big endeavour. When Somerset Maugham was asked if he wrote on a schedule or when struck by inspiration he replied, “I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o’clock sharp.” As Pressfield writes in his brilliant little book, The War of Art – “Maugham reckoned another, deeper truth: that by performing the mundane physical act of sitting down and starting to work, he set in motion a mysterious but infallible sequence of events that would produce inspiration, as surely as if the goddess had synchronized her watch with his. He knew if he built it, she would come.” Therein lies the key to success.... Read More →

Career Coach: Align Your Values and Vision

Often when I am coaching clients on their career path I ask them to tell me about their values. The key to having fulfilling work is to do something that is in alignment with your highest values. I'm not referring to values in the moral sense of right and wrong, but rather in the sense of doing what you truly love to do - that which is of intrinsic worth to you personally. When you are living in accordance with your values, you are most fully alive and most fully yourself. For example, you might value creativity and invention. You might value travel and adventure, or perhaps peace, or being spiritual. You might value risk, experimentation, or perhaps grace, beauty, or elegance. People value different things. When do you feel most alive? Take a moment to reflect on the peak moments in your life. Look back and see what the highlights of your life have been. One client realized that one of the highlights of his life was giving his high school graduation speech. He valued inspiring others.... Read More →

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